About Me

My photo
Writing means different things to me. I'm a storyteller, a book editor, and a songwriter. For me, it's like breathing.
Showing posts with label Life's lessons. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Life's lessons. Show all posts

Monday, June 06, 2016

Monday Musing: Aging and hiding who you really are

What is it about being an aging woman and feeling forced to hide who you really are? Why should women feel like they have to color their graying hair? Or cut it so they “look their age.” What kind of bulls**t is that? Men aren’t pressured to hide their gray.

I hate these stupid unwritten rules. There are plenty of attractive older women with long gray hair. Lately I’ve been recalling a memory of my maternal grandmother who has been gone a long time. It’s one I haven’t thought much about until now, but it’s a powerful memory. I remember my grandmother undoing her bun and brushing her beautiful long, gray hair. Yeah, she didn’t conform and cut or color her hair.

As my long hair started turning gray, I went through a phase where I tried coloring it and cutting it short, but I always ended up letting it grow out. I turned to my grandmother for inspiration and decided I wasn’t going to conform anymore either. I never did before so why should I start now? I don’t care what anyone thinks of my long, graying hair. My hair has never been healthier since I stopped damaging it with color. Some cultures believe that having long hair gives you power. I believe it now too.

I think of my grandma now when I let my hair down and brush it, the gray streaks gleaming with defiance to anyone who thinks older women should color and cut their hair.

I smile.

Yeah, I’m pretty sure it’s because of my grandma that I do what I want and not what others want me to do. It’s because of her example that I don’t feel I have to hide who I really am.



Beauty may be the real beast.

Kelley Heckart
Otherworldly tales steeped in myth & magic.


Monday, October 19, 2015

Monday Musings: Lessons I learned from my dogs

This article was printed in our local newspaper back in July. I decided to share it on my blog because I know there are a lot of pet owners out there.

Lessons I learned from my dogs

Besides loyalty and companionship, dogs have a lot more to offer us. If we take the time to watch and connect with them, we can learn some important lessons.

Having dogs helped me through a dark time when I didn’t know if I would be permanently disabled. Crippled by severe pain, it was easy to give in and stay in a pain-medication fog, but my dogs depended on me to care for them while my husband was at work. So, I forced myself to get up and fight to get better.

My recovery had a lot to do with lessons I learned from my dogs. The first one is perseverance. Animals don’t allow an illness or injury to stop them from enjoying life. One of my dogs hurt her leg and managed just fine by hopping around on three, even chasing rabbits, until her leg healed. In the animal world, only the strong survive and unfortunately, this is also a harsh truth in the human one, a frightening reality I came close to experiencing.

Another important lesson is living in the moment. Dogs know how to relax in the sun and watch birds or sniff the different scents in the air. This reminds me to stop and enjoy a sunset or take in the wildlife in my backyard, to put my troubles aside. I’ve also learned the importance of exercise and play to keep physically and mentally fit. Dogs love to play. I have a nightly ritual with my Chihuahua. We play a game where I try to take his toy (a plush chicken or banana) away from him, if I can. He’s very fast. I come away from this refreshed and ready to work on writing or editing. This also helped me heal because exercise and physical therapy was very important to my recovery and for the regular management of my chronic condition.

My dogs have also taught me the importance of taking breaks, letting me know when it is time to eat or go outside—and always at the same time each day. This routine keeps me from sitting too long at the computer and worsening my back pain. After a break, I return to work, my energy restored.

Dogs have remarkable intuitive abilities. They know when a storm is approaching, when someone is coming home, or whether they like someone or not. This has taught me to listen to my intuition, especially when it came to finding the right occupation and exercise schedule that suited my health issues. I kept trying to do things the way I had before my illness. Once I stopped fighting myself and listened to my gut feeling, everything fell in to place.

The unconditional love dogs offer us might be the most important lesson. They love you regardless of your problems, your physical appearance, or your imperfections. This lesson has helped me strengthen my human relationships.


The lessons I learned from my dogs improved my life in ways I never realized until I opened my eyes and took notice, and I can’t imagine living without at least one dog by my side.



Kelley Heckart, Historical fantasy romance author
Captivating...Sensual...Otherworldly
http://www.kelleyheckart.com        

Wednesday, January 01, 2014

A new year, a new outlook

Yeah, a new year! I want to be hopeful that 2014 will be a better year than the previous five years, but my pessimistic self won’t allow me to get too excited. I suppose this new year can’t be worse than what we went through after 2008. And things seem to be improving for me (and my husband) but we aren’t out of the black hole yet.

It seems life cannot be planned. Everything that has happened to me in the last thirteen years has been an unpleasant surprise. My life did not turn out the way I had wanted it to be. Some good has come out of these changes, but also some very bad things as well.

Writing saved me from myself, kept me from losing my sanity. Finding an outlet for my frustration, pain and anger was the good that came of my life changes.

The bad, well the bad is something I try to forget. I guess things end up working out somehow, though I’m still struggling a lot with accepting my fate. It’s terrifying not being able to do the things I used to do, to be a different person. But I am lucky to have a husband and a family that understands and sticks by me.

I just hope 2014 is the year that I can finally stop worrying, but then do we ever stop worrying about the future? For what lies in the future, but the unknowable and the inevitable fate of all mortals?

Perhaps the best way to deal with life changes is to think of life as one long, unpredictable adventure and live in the moment. That seems to be the way to live life. Maybe if I had done that all along, I wouldn’t be so bothered by the unexpected.

I didn’t want to make any New Year’s resolutions because I never keep them, but I decided to make a resolution for 2014—to live in the moment.

Happy New Year!

100_0598

My dogs—living in the moment

 

Kelley Heckart, Historical fantasy romance author

Captivating...Sensual...Otherworldly

http://www.kelleyheckart.com

http://twitter.com/CelticChick

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Kelley-Heckart/111838455604