Writing meaningful sex scenes

Sex scenes are the most difficult scenes for me to write. Or, I should say, it’s difficult to write meaningful sex scenes. I dread when it comes times in a story to add a sex scene. Sure, it’s easy to say that he put his ‘you know what’ in her ‘you know where.’ But why even have a sex scene if that’s all you are going to write?

A better approach is to get inside the heads of your characters and make the sex scene about emotions rather than too many repetitive actions. Also, a little goes a long way in these intimate scenes. Some description is necessary to show and not tell, but too much description and you risk losing the reader. I’ve read some sex scenes where every little detail of the man’s do-hickie was described. Ick. I really didn’t need to read that. I would rather leave the details for the reader to imagine how they want to imagine them. What may turn on one reader turns another one way off.

So, it’s best to go easy on the details and focus more on the characters’ feelings and show their feelings through their actions in the bed. If the heroine is a virgin, is she scared or nervous? If the hero is used to dominating in the bedroom, how will he react if his partner takes charge? Are they tentative lovers or passionate? This is where really knowing your characters pays off.

Sample sex scene from Winter’s Requiem:

Domelch pulled out her long knife, drawing the cold metal against her naked skin. Her nipples rose, hardening in response to the coldness of the blade. Being so close to death made her toy with the idea of sliding the knife’s sharp edge against her skin and drawing some blood. Her body tingled with pleasure at the thought. She spread her legs wide, beckoning him with an enticing smile. Her hand stroked her own inner thigh, the sight of his naked, strapping body exciting her.

In the lamplight his wolf-like eyes flickered with mounting desire for her, his erection rising and thickening with the might to conquer her. “God’s teeth, lass,” he whispered, his voice raspy with longing.

Aedan pounced on the bed and the makeshift bed crashed under their forceful weight. He claimed her with his warrior’s strength, his muscular arms enfolding her in a passionate embrace. Caressing her with hungry kisses, he filled her with life again, the terrible memories of the battlefield fading away. Domelch’s body tingled with the urgency to have him overpower her, to chase her demons away.

She recalled instead a thrilling memory of how Aedan commanded his men with confidence and courage, wielding his sword, the Widowmaker, and sending the enemy to the Underworld like a mighty war god. Now he commanded her, his forceful spear plunging into her, drawing from her body and soul the wild throes of love. She forgot all about death, embracing the power of life and all the sensations of two people enjoined in coupling. After all these years, the power he wielded over her was great, her body quivering beneath him. His musky male scent quickened her heartbeat, their slick bodies entwined like greedy vines searching for warmth and sunlight. Fisting his long hair in a desperate attempt to cling to the edge, pleasure overpowered her, pulsating and lifting her in its blissful grasp.

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Kelley Heckart, Historical fantasy romance author

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Romance—Writing those dreaded sex scenes

I must be weird because I write romance, but I dread having to write sex scenes. I’m not a prude. The time I spent in an all girl hard rock band taught me more than I needed to know about, well, sexually related stuff and made it all seem so normal. I think what I dislike about writing sex scenes is I want to avoid making them too stiff (no, I didn’t mean this as a pun) or too laughable (as in purple prose). No matter what I end up writing in the sex scenes, I can’t read them without giggling.
So, what is the best way to write a sex scene? I try to bring the characters’ personalities into the bedroom scenes and sometimes humor. Real life sex isn’t always perfect so I want to add that bit of realism, but not too much realism that it will turn a romance reader off. The key to a good romance is to have some fantasy for the reader to enjoy because that’s why people read romances—to escape reality.

By revealing a character’s personality in a sex scene, a writer can show how a character would act or react. For example, a Pict king in my Dark Goddess trilogy is shown enjoying being bitten by my blood drinker heroine, which reveals his wild side. For some humor, I have an ongoing joke with my hero and heroine in my Dark Goddess trilogy—their enthusiasm in the bedchamber breaks many beds.
My biggest challenge is naming all those pesky body parts without sounding too graphic (who knew that cock was a vulgar term for a penis?) or too flowery (her ‘rose petals of love’ won’t do). I also have to keep my terms relevant to the time period I am writing so I can’t use modern slang.

I don’t want all of my sex scenes to sound the same either. Too much caressing, stroking, entwining, writhing and thrusting can get tedious. A change in scenery can help break up the monotony. Or some honey instead of whipped cream. That just gave me an idea. Maybe this isn’t as hard as I thought. All I needed to do was to experiment a bit.

Kelley Heckart

'Timeless tales of romance, conflict & magic'
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Three different women, one ancient curse…
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Writing Meaningful Sex Scenes in Romances

One thing I have struggled with as a romance writer is trying to write sex scenes that have some significance and are not just thrown in to spice up the story. I like to keep my romantic scenes sensual and not graphic, preferring to leave something to the imagination. After all, a reader wants to use their imagination, right? This has proven to be a challenge because I do not want to write purple prose, but I have managed to avoid this by keeping a balance between the two and avoiding terms deemed too flowery.

Sex scenes like any other scenes should reveal something about the character. Is she shy, bold or somewhere in between? Does he prefer to have control or does he like it when she takes control? Humor is something I like to add to these scenes sometimes to show how characters will react. I recently wrote a sex scene where the bed broke. I think readers can identify with the characters more if reality steps in to the love scenes. It is not all perfection as in life it is not all perfection. By writing scenes where the hero and heroine are most vulnerable, it reveals something about their personality.

The way men and women think in the bedroom are different too. Ladies, how many times do we want our man to stay awake after the coupling only to have him role over and start snoring? Or, what about the man feeling frustration because he still cannot figure out how to please his lady? The time period a story is set in also makes a difference in how characters will act, but I think the above scenarios have been happening in bedrooms for centuries.

It has taken me some practice, but when I write sex scenes between my hero and heroine, I think about each character and pull pieces of their personalities into the scenes. Well-written romantic scenes can reveal a lot about a character and add to the story.

Kelley
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